Pete Went(z) to the gun cabinet... the prick

I'd never buy Playboy, of course. Degrading is all that naked flesh, blonde hair and poons. But I've just heard that a massive nipple is in this month's booby mag, talking about how he once played Russian roulette.

Pete Wentz (the old one from Fall Out Boy who still sings about the prom but actually sacked off second grade just before his 38th birthday - the quitter) told Playboy, “I pulled a trigger on a gun aimed at myself. My friend and I did one pull each. We’d been drinking and had taken Ambien. I feel stupid even talking about it. It’s one of the reasons I’ve never owned a gun - I’m too impulsive. I’d probably get mad and shoot someone over a part in a song or something.”

It got me thinking. Firstly, there is clearly no God. Secondly, one pull is not enough Pete, how about a proper game? Maybe with Jay Kay so that we're all winners even if you luck out? Thirdly, can this story hold water seeing as Pete has made up that he has a friend? And finally, Pete, your birthday present is in the post. It's something you've never owned before, which'll be nice for you. Oh, and the round one from Kaiser Chiefs said a part of your song was "gash", or something.

There Was A Light, and it just went out!

So Johnny Marr has joined The Cribs. Not, contributed to a song. Not appeared on stage with them. Not said, "The Cribs? Yeah, they're alright". JOINED them!

As a result, if anyone would like any of my Smiths records, or my ears to prevent me from accidentally hearing a Cribs/Marr monstrosity and time soon, bring a van and/or some garden shears around.

Agony Wolf No 1: Dicknose!

Dear Party Wolf,

I'm one confused ginger singer of a famous (and brilliant) band. I've always said "I want to fall from the stars" but the other night I found myself falling with and on a star.

After my weekly trip to the fairground I was partying hard at China White (money's not too tight to mention for my rich booty, HA!). It was there I saw Slipknot's Dick Nose - real name Jodie - dancing away. I danced with her cos I'm really geez and thought I'd pull her. But then something bad happened. Dick Nose slipped over on my dribble (I do that), I went to help her up, and the next thing I know I've fallen seat first onto her schnoz. The thing is, I liked it. Does this make me a fruit?

Yours, Anon (Mick Hucknall)

PW say... No Mick, it does not make you 'a fruit'. But it does make you a raging gay, not least because Jodie is a man.