Hands up, who popped dog dirt in my mouth while I slept? Only joking, that was me of course, but I think the rank taste is due to the boss time I had at the NME Awards last night.
This is how the evening broke down for me...
6.30pm - Arrived at Brixton Academy to find out that Nandos hadn't shown with the grub for us guests.
6:35pm - Eat wedges from local poor-man's KFC.
7:00pm - Two of Girls Aloud turn up - the hot ginger one and the really rude looker.
7:13pm - News breaks that Jay-Z has heard about the Nandos fiasco and is now refusing to show.
7:30pm - Muse turn up and have shrunk 5 inches since last year.
8:00pm - A man comes on stage and says, "The Awards are going to start now. It's going to be on telly so whatever you do don't bring your cans of Red Stripe to the podium because offcom will have my balls in a vice."
8:03pm - NME editor Conor McNicholas introduces the awards with a can of RED STRIPE on the podium.
8:04 - 10:00pm - All sorts of people win awards. Dizzee Rascal jumps in the crowd to escape the terrible presenter, Glasvegas embarrass themselves by covering Elivs badly, with a man called Florence Machine.
10:01pm - A man dressed as a badger wins the final Godlike Genius award and plays with his band.
10:17pm - With the badger singing about "loving Fridays", Sarah Harding form Girls Aloud dabs what appears to be sherbert on her lips and gums. She is happy.
.. and so am I as another classic NME Awards draws to a close.
