Chinese Democrappy

As ginger turd Axl Rose finally announces the track listing for 'Chinese Democrappy', you've got to ask yourself, "Am I more or less bothered about this than the size of Kate Nash's last poo?" The answer: less. And, for the record, I didn't care much that Nash stunk out my loo when she popped in the other day.

Rod (Stewart - my BEST friend) says, "I met Axl Rose once. He spat on me, shouting, 'I hate you, you fishy bastard!'." I say, Axl, you punk, you're just jealous because Rod is two foot taller than you. Anyway, if you care at all, here's the track listing.

1. Slash Has Left (pt 1)
2. Cornrow Dreams
3. I Am Alone
4. Bucket Head?
5. Orange IS A Good Colour
6. Slash On My Face (I Wish He Was)
7. Sweet Child O Mine
8. Chinese Democrappy
9. Feet Of A Troll
10. Slash Has Left (pt 2)
11. Cod Stewart
12. R Kelly's Alright By Me
13. Cornrow Nightmares (I'll Kill That Pigeon)
14. Never Trust A Top-Hatted Man

RinGO AWAY!

You've gotta love Ringo Starr. The stoned Beatle has only gone and told his fans that he'll not be signing any fan mail or objects ever again. On his site he's says...

“I’m warning you with peace and love I have too much to do. So no more fan mail. Thank you, thank you. And no objects to be signed. Nothing.”

Fair play I say, especially as poor Ringo's been scribbling on everything from photos to under-shanks of old bints since 1963. Poor sod.

In other news, The Pigeon Detectives are still offering £5 per fan letter they receive. "We've spent 25 quid so far," said the one with a cock nose. "That's like... errr... errr... 3... no, 3... no it is 3... errr... loads of fans." Oh, and Ringo is still making toast. LOOK HERE

Razorlight are THE shit!

I was feeling a bit "boo hoo" about my summer holiday ending (been in Barcelona last week, which is well boss!) but then Rod came home with the new Razorlight album.

He's a bit mardy cos it shits on The Faces (oops, pardon!) and is literally the best thing I've ever heard. SERIOUSLY! ITS EVEN BETTER THAN 'MAGGIE MAY'. Sure, Johnny Borrell has clearly lost his mind, producing an album of soft rock stadium shmultz, but lyrically it's out of this world.

Ricky Wilson, you fat turd, you can keep your "what do you want for tea? I want crisps" gash. We've got Razorlight back now. There's one track on here called 'North London Trash', on which dear old Johnny parps on about the colour of his Converse and his girl "with a hot body". We also learn that Johnny was "raised by a radio in a broken home", which must have been truly shocking at bath time.