Crystal Arseholes

You'll not believe this guys, but you know that band Crystal Castles? Yeah y'do, they're that boy/girl duo from Canada. The fella's 38 but swears he's 25 so it doesn't look like his a total pedophile when he's sleazing all over his band mate, Alice. No? Okay, well it's not important because, having sold 5 copies of their album, they'll not be around long I'm sure.

The story goes that the mag I work for, Loud And Quiet, kindly gave them a cover feature, thinking they were great. The band then kicked up a fuss because they didn't like the photo L&Q were intending to use, which the band willingly posed for. Having seen the photo posted on Andrew Kendall's (the photographer) website the day after the shoot, the band hounded Andrew rudely stating that "it was a terrible picture". Loud And quiet ran it anyway, sticking to their guns, prompting the band to email the editor threatening legal action, while pretending to be their manager (very mature).

Recently the band started complaining again because promoters have been using the picture to advertise CC gigs, even though - gasp - "the band really hate that picture". They've just blocked the mag from their myspace page (again, mature, old man, very mature) and so here's the picture. Please use it everywhere you can, and simply credit the brilliant photographer Andrew Kendall. And if you want the high res to print posters or big fuck-off posters, please contact the snapper at www.andrewkendall.com. It's a pretty great picture I think, and surely the band don't have a problem with it because of Ethan's rad T-shirt, although his Ghost Busters one must have be in the wash that day, which I'm sure was a bitter pill for him to swallow, the cunt!

Coke Is A Joke... and sometimes nice?

So Lily Allen has been attacked in the press for glorifying drugs or something...

Well, if you ask me, what she said in a recent interview with The Word magazine is completely true and we should all stop being naive little bed-wetters.

Lily said: "The only [newspaper] story is that drugs are bad and they will kill you - I know lots of people that take cocaine three nights a week and get up and go to work every day, no problem. But we never hear that side of the story."

And, sorry Dail Mail readers, it's completely true. Cocaine makes you nob-head, won't do anything for the size of your junk and causes all sorts of health and money problems. And yet it's used by a lot of people A LOT of the time who lead functional lives, get bored and stop their silly drug phase.

And another thing, girls do poos too!

Chirstmas TV

That was it, was it? Christmas, gone for another year?

Did you have a good time, cos I bloody didn't. I mean, how guff was the telly this year? Bar Bruce Forsyth mincing around on a re-run of a 70s Generation Game, saying "Alright my love?" it really was shit, wasn't it?!

If you've not got a telly, firstly you really are a pikey bastard cos they're cheaper than a standard Pay As You Go Phone these days, or two nights with Jodie Marsh (doctor's bill not included), but that's your business. Here's what you missed...

Wallace And Gromit: Another Shit Tale - Annoyingly they cut the scene when the bald fella spreads Dairylea on his nob and shouts "Dinner Time!" at the poor hairy one... AGAIN!

Morcombe & Wise: Christmas Special - No, I'd not seen it before either, but it's apparently really old, they just never show it on TV. It was really pants.

Dads Army: Who Do You Think You're Kidding? - The clue was in the title of this one.

Hang on, if you've not got a TV, what's with the computer???